A Summer of Indulgence

I didn’t accomplish the things I set out to accomplish this summer. I suppose life can be surprising that way. I was supposed to read a bunch of books and fill up a notebook with poems. I was supposed to watch a list of great films. I was supposed to get roller skates and skate around some park until I couldn’t feel my lungs. I was supposed to drink a wine bottle and watch a constellation disappear. I was supposed to be an adult and find a job—make money and contribute to society in some sort of way. Or at least find a fucking internship so I can add something to my resume so I can be one day be a part of the system.

Instead, I fell in love with myself.

I found a spirit in me that I thought was lost long ago. I found the little girl in me that dreamed of getting lost in a park without being scared. I found her. She was in a dark corner filled with scattered bones. I found her amongst broken shards of red plastic and ripped dresses. I found her and she's here to stay. She’s smiling now and it makes me so happy.

This summer, I finally indulged myself in ways I never thought possible. I didn’t let my soul be consumed by arbitrary thoughts.

Yeah, I was so fucking selfish.

And you know what? I feel great about it. Because, I love myself. I love this short, fat person I am. I love the fact that I’m aggressive and ambitious. I love the fact that I’m not perfect. I love the mistakes that I’ve made and the mistakes I may make in the future.

I had one real goal this summer: NO PRESSURE. And, I did it. My whole life I’ve been building this person that is supposed to please everyone and be the best person possible. I stacked loads of bullshit upon myself just so I can be ahead of the game. Yeah, it’s great that I’m 19 and have done so many things… But I was a 19 year old that didn’t feel human. I felt like a machine in some sort of warped society. I guess that’s capitalism for you.

But I just didn’t just sit in bed all summer. I travelled. I fell into a deeper love with my friends. I got drunk and made love to myself. I had passionate sex with cute boys with nice butts. I wrote a poem every chance I got. I had loads of chipotle. I finally got over my shitty ex. I went to the beach every chance I got. I allowed myself to giggle as much as possible. I listened to albums until I fell asleep. I stuck my body out of sunroofs and screamed at the top of my lungs.

I just did things that I wanted to do. I did things that felt right. And I’m so happy I did.

With all the chaos going on right now, I wish all of you could just go outside and enjoy life. I know it’s so hard to enjoy life when you know there are all kinds of fucked up shit going on right now.

But I promise you that once you’re ready and happy, every battle will be easier to endure. You can’t face the world when you’re broken. Well, you could… But the journey would be painful. Humanity can be beautiful sometimes. You just have to find it within.

-Aaaaand end queue for a cheesy blog. I hope you all are having a great day! I’m so sorry that I’m a shitty blogger. As you may have noticed, I deleted a few posts that I felt didn’t belong here any longer. I will make more of an effort to write here more.-

LOVE YOU,

DREY

This is from Barnaby Park in Vancouver, BC, Canada.